The Mid-size of the sausage lock range. Medical grade silicon protects the paint work, braided steel does the rest. Security rating: 50 (Dark Alley). Comes with frame bracket

The World Championship Sausage-Fest is no place for meek wieners or a pussy-footed bratwurst. Hailing from Parts Unknown, ‘Kranky’ Kransky dominates the WCSF through an indomitable, unbreakable spirit that can only be best described as ‘Maximum Saus-itude’.

The timeless pick-up line, “Hey lady, you make me wanna wrap my sausage round a pole!” is as debonair as it is disarmingly effective. The Party Frank is that sausage wrapped around that pole 24-7 and it wants all the ladies to know that nothing’s gunna break its hold.

RINGMASTER 2.2 COMBO LOCKER: I suppose I was searching for a purpose for most of my life and RM’s given me that. I can’t even fathom being without him now. RINGMASTER: It’s hard to describe, but when she’s around me, I don’t know … I know neither of us are going anywhere, that’s all. She completes me.

Not only are our Whiplocks really good at securing your bike, but they’ve also been tested by Cowboy-Entertainers to effectively whip cigarettes out of the mouths of breakfast talk show hosts. Good for ratings and good for you!

As Fisticuff will testify, ‘It’s a goddamn war-zone out there!’ and when it comes to looking the thievin’, low-life scum out there in the eye and smiling as you stick a shiv in your own pancreas, Fisticuff’s your man. He even knows advanced Tae Bo!